The Hebrew writer noted, "Let marriage be held in honor among all" (Hebrews 13:4). There is a great need in our society and even among Christians to treat the marriage relationship with a profound sense of awe and respect. "We need to leave behind the giddy idea that marriage is a game or some sort of 'prom for grown-ups' in which being a cute couple matters most" (Harris p. 180). 1. Marriage is the very first institution, even prior to such relationships as motherhood, fatherhood or civil government (Genesis 2:22-24). 2. Marriage depicts the spiritual union between Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:31-32). People should be able to look at our marriages and say, "Oh, that's the type of love which Jesus has for the Church". In a book entitled The Mystery of Marriage, Mike Mason writes, "Holy matrimony…was never intended as a comfort station for lazy people. On the contrary, it is a systematic program of deliberate and thoroughgoing self-sacrifice….Marriage is really a drastic course of action…It is a radical step and is not intended for anyone who is not prepared, indeed eager, to surrender his own will and to be wholeheartedly submissive to the will of another" (Ephesians 5:21,25,33). "Preparing for marriage is a byproduct of growing in maturity and Christlikeness. But while marriage is optional, developing Christlike qualities is not….As singles, part of good stewardship involves gaining the skills we'll need in marriage. But marriage is not the finish line. Statistically speaking, most of us will eventually marry. But we need to make sure we 'redeem the time' to glorify God, not to earn brownie points from Him so we can demand marriage" (Harris p. 176). Often people talk about their "biological clock" ticking. Let us be impressed that a much more important clock is ticking in each one of our lives, married or unmarried. The clock that deals with spiritual responsibilities and obligations (Hebrews 5:12; Matthew 25:15; Ephesians 6:4; Hebrews 10:24-25; 2 Peter 1:5-11; 2 Timothy 2:2)-do we also hear all these clocks ticking at well? "Therefore, if a man cleanses himself from these things, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified, useful to the Master, prepared for every good work" (2 Timothy 2:21). "We prepare and develop our characters so we can become as flexible and useful for Him as possible, no matter what He plans for our future. Biological clocks can tick all they want; let's redeem today!" (Harris p. 176).
"A close female friend of mine realized she had developed bad communication habits with her parents. Wherever they'd try to talk to her, she would clam up and refuse to share her feelings. 'It finally hit me', she told me. 'If I shut out the people closest to me now, I'll do the same thing someday to my husband. To reverse this trend….Instead of retreating to her bedroom after dinner, she hangs around and talks with them. Instead of shutting them out of her life, she invites them in" (Harris p. 171). Many young people though (and those not so young) have allowed themselves to believe the myth that the lack of communication that exists between them and their parents, grandparents, teachers, coworkers, etc.. is because everybody else is boring, or nobody understands them. What we need to realize is that if we find our self being a loner, then we are the ones with the problem. Communication that requires effort and patience is essential in any relationship (1 Peter 3:7).
Especially, practice seeking God with other people. This is really important for all the young men here, because once you marry, you are now given supervision over two spiritual lives. You need to know how to study the Bible with someone else, talk about biblical issues and concerns, and manifest some spiritual leadership when it comes to doing good works, and praying for others. Your future husband and wife will need spiritual feeding, encouragement, and a solid example. While James 5:16 has been greatly abused in the denominational world, the teaching found in this verse is certainly very appropriate in the marriage relationship. Remember, a husband and wife should be a spiritual team (Acts 18:26). Praying together, studying together, putting together lessons and material, and teaching together can be very rewarding experiences.
Practice Financial Responsibility
Not only do we need to learn the skills so we can financially support ourselves and others (Ephesians 4:28). We also need to learn how to manage our money wisely. Now is the time to learn how to budget, save, and give as you have been prospered. Be impressed that Proverbs 3:9 was written to a young man. Here is an area that we tend to let our kids off the hook. We might be tempted to think, "Well, they need their money for clothes, school, college, entertainment, etc….so I don't think that they need to give anything back to the Lord at this time in their lives". I wonder if we have cleared that with the Lord? Sounds like the congregation that hired a preacher and said, "Since we aren't paying you that much, you don't have to give". Our children have been greatly prospered. They have health, comfortable homes, wonderful parents (yes they do!), and in many cases even teenagers are making more money than a tremendous amount of people in other parts of the world! "In addition to learning about budgeting, balancing a checkbook, and car and health insurance, we also need to establish our own philosophy towards finances. What kind of lifestyle does God want us to pursue? What is His view of money and possessions? Left unanswered, these issues can cause serious stress in a marriage and serious regret if we waste our lives pursuing the wrong things" (Harris p. 173). In fact, before I marry I need to prepare to make the time necessary to have a mate and children. If I am looking into a career that will keep me constantly traveling, away from home or with virtually no social life---then I need to make a choice between that career and having a spouse and children. For I can't be married to both.
"Children are not one of the risks of marriage; they are one of the rewards" (Harris p. 173) (Psalm 127:3-5). You can practice the skills necessary to be a good parent by: 1. Taking good care of your younger brothers and sisters. 2. Baby-sitting. 3. Observing good parents in action, "How do godly fathers handle discipline? How do they teach and instruct their kids? How do godly parents practically implement God's commands concerning parenting? What does it look like at a practical level?" "What works, what doesn't work?" 3. If you don't have any younger siblings, then volunteer to help out another family who has young children. Become an 'apprentice' in all the household activities, including watching the children, cooking, doing laundry, and cleaning.
Practice Practical Life Skills
"Just ask your parents to let you take over the maintenance of your house---including, shopping, planning menus, and cooking meals for a couple of months" (Harris p. 175). Why spend the first years of your marriage wasting time and money and living by trial and error? Take the time to sit down with an older couple and ask them to outline the skills they find necessary to run a household. Sit down with a godly and successful couple and get the names and numbers of a good accountant, financial planner, insurance agent, lawyer (you're going to need a will one of these days), family doctor, mechanic, appliance repair man, real estate agent, etc…All of these things are necessary, because when you are married, all of sudden your foolish choices, lack of preparation, inexperience starts to hurt, hinder and frustrate others, besides yourself (1 Timothy 5:8; Titus 2:4-5). "to the guys, we have our work cut out for us, don't we? My hope for us is that we would truly grasp the costliness, the pricelessness, of a woman's love. It is no small thing, no game, to invite a girl to accompany us through life. May we earn the right to make such a request" (Harris pp. 187-188).
"now may it be that the girl to whom I say, 'Please let down your jar so that I may drink' and who answers, 'Drink, and I will water your camels also'; --may she be the one whom Thou hast appointed for Thy servant Isaac" (Genesis 24:14).
Abraham set his servant seeking a godly wife for his son (24:2-4). Often young people worry about 'missing' the right person. "Will Mr. or Miss Right visit this congregation when I am out of town?" "Were they at a gospel meeting in the area that I was unable to attend, did they attend on a night that I wasn't there?" "Should I come back and worship here tonight or visit another congregation?" I am impressed that Abraham found Sarah, Isaac found Rebekah, Jacob found Rachel---that such people did find someone that they would have claimed was Mr. or Miss Right. But note, in the case of Rebekah, "Rebekah was able to meet God's divine appointment for her life because she was faithfully carrying out her current obligations (24:16-20)….. Yet her task was mundane, she had a quickness to her step and ready willingness to serve others. These qualities put her in the right place at the right time with the right attitude when God intended to match her with Isaac" (Harris p. 169). In other words, God was able to use Rebekah as an ideal helpmeet for Isaac, because she had made herself usable.
What Could Be
At the final judgment, if God had two projectors, one with a reel of what we did in this life and the other will a reel of what could have been. What our lives could have been if we had just waited a little longer in many instances, had more confidence in His time table, had prepared ourselves better, had been willing to listen to sound advice, placed the needs of others ahead of our own or had placed His kingdom first. We would really see what our immaturity, stubbornness, lack of faith, selfishness and pride had caused us to miss out on. We would realize that none of us can afford such qualities. Such things will keep us from having rich and happy marriages, wonderful relationships with our children and parents. The good news is that you don't have to miss out. You don't have to marry an unspiritual person, you don't have to settle for a cold or distant marriage, you don't have to make the mistake of placing a job before raising the children or time with your mate. You don't have to be selfish, ungodly or immature in the first half of your marriage (Psalm 119:11). The price for growing up or maturity doesn't have to be a broken marriage or a dysfunctional family. You don't have to say to yourself years from now, "Why didn't I hear all of this sooner?" (Psalm 119:99; Ecclesiates 12:1).